You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
