He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You took a bar mat shot.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
