We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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