On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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