There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
