Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
