Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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