I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
