My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
