I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
