where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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