She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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