You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have aggressive nipples.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
