Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
