he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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