im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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