Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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