We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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