STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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