I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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