He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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