Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
