you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
