The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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