i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
