I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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