it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
