yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
