Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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