Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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