she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize