Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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