Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
