Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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