I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
wow bdsm is so cute
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