i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
