I cockslap morals
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
