The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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