Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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