Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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