I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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