Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
