this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
