um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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