I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
