How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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