ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
