Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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