I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
do nipples grow back?
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