I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
