o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
