my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
