I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
