I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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