Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize