hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
