I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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