I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk is not a location!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
