The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
