is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ladies don't puke and tell
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
