I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Randomize
