White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
