fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
