is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
