awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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