you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm at about main and main street
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
