She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
