You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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